I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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