I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
