All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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