I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
