I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
