You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize