Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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