i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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