I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
