Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
