"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
