I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
