we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
