I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
