I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize