My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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