I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
