my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
