im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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