ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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