I wish I could punch you in the face.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
