i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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