How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
