There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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