So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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