so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
