You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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