I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
