i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
