hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
