Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
