So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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