6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
