I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
