I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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