her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I believe in your delicious
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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