life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
