It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
