if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
