Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
