Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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