He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
