i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Come see our sink grown plant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
