I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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