You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do herpes really smell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
