where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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