that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
