GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
