Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
