Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Barsexuality is the new black.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
