Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
