Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
