She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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