I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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