im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Houston, we have a blender
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
