Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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