this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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