I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
