You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
