dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize