Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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