Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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