Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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