You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
