we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
