I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
