cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
